Alex Bell – fantasy author

I probably should have blogged about this earlier but . . . well, I forgot. Better late than never though, right?

Anyway – this Saturday, from 1-2pm, I will be signing copies of Jasmyn at the Forbidden Planet store in Southampton. This is your chance to get signed copies of Jasmyn a full three weeks prior to its publication. Be the envy of all your friends etc. Jaine Fenn and Suzanne McLeod will also be there, signing copies of their books:

http://forbiddenplanet.com/Signings.html

I’m a little concerned to have seen this event listed in some places on the internet as a “Singles Event”. Er . . . I’m not sure why. Please note, this is not speed dating (at least, I don’t think it is). It is a book signing. You therefore do not need to bring us flowers to get us to sign books. But you can if you want (I like lillies).

So if you would like to get a signed copy of one – or all of – our masterpieces, then we would love to see you on Saturday. Depending on weather and so on, my Dinky Dane may be wandering about on the high street outside at some point (closely supervised by a family member, of course), and there will be a tin of Hot Wasabi Peas floating around the signing table (the three of us are the Princesses of Fantasy Fiction, after all), which anyone is welcome to sample.*

So there you have it: three very good reasons to come to Forbidden Planet on Saturday. You’ve got signed books, a possible sighting of a Great Dane puppy and the chance to eat a Hot Wasabi Pea** and live to tell the tale. Oh, and I’m bringing the tortoises too. They will be stumping about Forbidden Planet for the duration of the signing. Only kidding. Or am I . . . ? (No, Madam, the tortoises are not for sale. There is no barcode. Please put them down.)

*Alex Bell cannot accept liability for any projectile vomiting, choking, burning tongue, personal injury or premature death resulting from eating the Hot Wasabi Peas. Consume entirely at your own risk. Do not consume if you are fatally allergic to peas. Do not consume if you are fatally allergic to wasabi. Do not inhale the Wasabi Peas or attempt to insert into nostril. Hot Wasabi Peas are for consumption purposes only.

**Consumption of one or more peas constitutes a legally binding undertaking to purchase at least ten copies of each of our books, despite any oral representations to the contrary.

Yes, indeed, my Great Dane puppy can sing. Here is the YouTube link to prove it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fj25i6Gzl3I&feature=channel_page

I swear at one point she even tries to say a word. It sounds like meh-meh which, I guess, isn’t strictly speaking a real word. But it’s still pretty impressive nevertheless. I was crying with laughter when I filmed this. Given that, I think I did quite an impressive job of keeping the camera steady. Naturally Moose and I are going to enter into Britain’s Got Talent. I think Simon Cowell would really like her act.

The reason, by the way, that Moose is making those noises isn’t because she’s clinically insane, but because she was trying to coax Loki into playing with her. Loki, however, had been playing with her for a couple of hours by then, was worn out and wasn’t having any of it. The phone goes when she’s making these sounds sometimes. It’s no wonder people think I live in a madhouse. Between Moose and the Siamese it is rather like a madhouse much of the time . . . Which is fine because I don’t think I would do very well somewhere that was calm and normal.

This weekend I am in Cornwall with Moose. My parents were going off to stay at their house in Looe and asked us to come so I decided that me and the Dinky Dane would go along so she could get a bit of a seaside holiday.

It was quite a long drive but Moose was fine apart from being sick about an hour after we set out. I’m sure the shriek of: ‘Ew! There’s puke everywhere!’ probably wasn’t the sort of thing my Dad wanted to hear coming from the back seat – especially as it was his car we were driving in.

But a fine time was had by all once we finally got there. It’s taken us ages to get anywhere because most of the people we’ve passed wanted to give Moose a fuss. I’d say about half of them recognised that she was a Great Dane. The rest thought she was some kind of Dalmatian cross, or even a Dalmatian. This always surprises me because Moose doesn’t just have black spots, but big black (and some blue) splodges all over her coat. Besides which, there would have to be something very wrong with a Dalmatian puppy for it to have a head that shape, and paws that big. One woman actually had the audacity to suggest that she was a ‘little bit of everything’! A mongrel no less!

  ‘Madam,’ I replied coldly, ‘I’ll have you know that this dog is fifteen hundred pounds worth of pedigree, show standard, harlequin Great Dane!’

But, these slurs on her breeding aside, Moose has had a lovely time. She walked on the beach and came into pubs with us, and met lots of people. There’s something nice about the fact that people will always come up to you if you’re walking a puppy. I’ve answered so many questions about Moose during the last week. And the fact that people want to come up and see her makes me warm towards humans more than I would usually.

Before we came I went to the pet shop to buy her some new things to take on her first holiday. I came out with a whole load of new chewy bones and some toys, including an evil looking crocodile, and a big fluffy rope monster, of which I’m rather fond. I love buying Moose stuff. Especially when I get a new thing out of the bag, and she hears the rustling, and looks up at me with that sweet little face. She’s also becoming a bit of a lap dog, which I suppose could be a problem when she’s big . . . But what the heck – Loki sits on my lap just fine, and he’s a fully grown Doberman. Besides, I’d sooner cut my own hand off than tell her she can’t get on my lap for a cuddle when she’s tired – even if she does happen to be covered in sand at the time.

Whilst walking around Looe, Moose met a fully grown blue Great Dane called Hamlet. Even for a Dane he was a very big boy – and extremely handsome with it. But although he was just five years old he was already starting to go grey around the muzzle. The one downside of Danes is that they don’t live very long. Eight years is the average but some only live to six. When I look at Moose I can’t bear the thought of her living such a short time. But for now I’m taking comfort in the fact that when we went to visit the breeder we saw Moose’s great-grandmother, and she was eleven years old. Moose has to be long-lived too, because I love her so much. She’s the best thing to happen to me in quite a while. She makes up for all the bad stuff – as animals very often do. And I will love my publishers, Gollancz and Headline, until the day I die for enabling me to buy her. Ditto for every single person who bought a copy of The Ninth Circle – even if they thought it was shit. Doesn’t matter so long as the book was bought (but obviously I would prefer that they didn’t think it was shit). Still, I got a Dinky Dane out of the book deals. Can’t complain at that.

If you would like to help keep Moose in toys and dog food, or, possibly, contribute to the next animal in my menagerie (I really want a sphyinx called Gretel and a bull terrier called Daddy), then feel free to buy a copy of Jasmyn, and Lex Trent Versus The Gods, when they come out. Heck, buy copies for all your friends and relatives too, and then perhaps I will be able to get Gretel and Daddy!