Alex Bell - fantasy author

A week or so after entering a competition, I got a phone call from a woman saying I’d won a makeover and photo shoot at Skylite Studios. I promptly booked a time and handed over my credit card details to pay a deposit for me and a friend. Then I looked the studio up on the internet and found a lot of people saying this was a scam.

I was - I will admit - dismayed. I had just handed my credit card number over to this company. If travelling abroad has taught me one thing, it’s that I’m an extremely gullible person. I’ll fall for any scam going. Perhaps I just have the sort of face that says: ‘Swindle me! Please!’ There was this one particularly memorable occasion in Beijing airport where- Oh well, never mind, that’s another blog post altogether. The point is that giving my credit card to some sort of con artist sounded like exactly the sort of thing I’d do. I had visions of turning up to the studio address in London only to find a ramshackle, rundown shack - possibly with a note reading “Gotcha!” taped to the door.

But after doing a bit of research, it seemed that the people calling it a scam were mostly complaining because they were expecting too much. The refreshments served at the studio, for example, consist mostly of drinks. There is no caviar. People also seemed upset about the fact that they had to pay for photos at the end. And, yes, this is true. If you want photos at the end of the shoot, you do have to pay for them. I suppose you could therefore say that “winning” the photo shoot is not so much a prize as a clever marketing ploy. But calling it a “scam” is extremely unfair. You are never told that you get the photos for free, so it’s unreasonable to expect that you will. It’s the makeover and photo shoot that you don’t pay for. Some of the reviews I read of Skylite Studios were very negative. That, taken together with all the scam hysteria, almost made me not go at all. But I’m very glad now that I did go because I had a really fun day, and so did my friend. We both came away the very epitome of a satisfied customer. So if anyone’s reading this because they’ve Googled Skylite Studios in a blind panic like I did, feel free to email me if you have a particular question about the day or the studio. I’ll be more than happy to give a glowing report of my experience. And I’m not even earning commission or anything.

All the staff there were extremely friendly, and the studio itself was - for want of a better word - swish. We were given a form to fill out, basically saying what sort of photos we were after. One of the options was “tasteful nude”. I resisted the temptation to inquire whether there was a “seedy nude” option.

After getting our hair and makeup done, we got about an hour with the photographer. The only quibble I have with the day is that we were told we could bring 3-6 outfit changes, but we only had time for three. We still got plenty of great photos though, despite any giggling that may have occurred. I fear our shoot may have been a bit like pulling teeth for the hapless photographer who tried in vain to get us to pose like models - sexy pouts and sulky eyes and all that jazz.

‘Look, I’m the quiet, bookish type,’ I announced (like George Peppard in Breakfast at Tiffany’s). ‘I ain’t a hand-through-the-hair, stick-out-ya-hip kinda gal.’

To which he replied that I was, only in the disguise of a writer. Although generally uncomfortable with having a camera stuck in my face, I relaxed more when the photographer started to mock me in this way. I guess I’m just perverse like that. When I first said I was a writer, he even suggested this might be a euphemism for sitting at home all day unemployed. This made me laugh because whenever I tell people what I do for a living, I can tell that’s what they’re all thinking even if they don’t usually say it. Not to my face, at least. I had a copy of Jasmyn with me that day though (I’d brought it for my friend - it’s not my custom to carry my own books around everywhere with me). So, afterwards, when we were sat waiting to see our pictures, and the photographer walked through the waiting area, I leapt to my feet and thrust Jasmyn upon him, all the while quivering with righteous indignation and wounded pride and all that.

‘This is my book, sir! I demand that you rescind all that unemployed layabout stuff! That’s three months of tireless, dedicated work that is!’ etc etc.

Anyway - my friend and I both came away with a nice little selection of photos each. The day was a huge laugh, we had loads of fun, and I would recommend Skylite Studios to anyone.

I came home and duly replaced my author photo on this site. The old one was taken by my Mum two years ago (before I sorted out my hair) whilst I sat on a bench at the bottom of the garden. That set up, I feel, just doesn’t convey the glamour somehow. Plus I had, only the day before, returned from a week of illness in Egypt, so my heart just wasn’t in the whole posing for photos thing at the time. Now, though, I have a brand-spanking-new author photo. Hey, if the moody author look is good enough for Joe Abercrombie, then by heck, it’s good enough for me.

But the “tasteful nude” photos, I regret to say, aren’t here. That would be entirely inappropriate. They’re on Facebook.