Home On The Range

It’s good to be home. I like going on holiday but towards the end I start to suffer from intense cravings for two things: meat (of the vegetarian variety, obviously), and my animals.

On our last night in Las Vegas, we stayed in the Luxor. Nowhere near as nice as the Mirage, and we were all having a bit of a whinge about it, and saying we should have stuck with the first hotel. But then we went into breakfast and there, on the menu, was a side order of vegetarian sausages. Vegetarian sausages! I wouldn’t go so far as to say I actually wept with delight but . . . well, it was a near thing. There’s only so much lettuce a person can take, after all. Now I won’t hear a bad word said against the Luxor.

I was probably suffering from meat cravings even more than usual at that point because of the white water rafting we’d just done in Colorado. This involved a night of camping. And, believe me, there is nothing more painful than watching bacon sizzling away on a campfire, smelling all tasty and delicious, when you know you can’t have any of it. Later on they got the marshmallows out but these ones had gelatine in them, so I couldn’t have any of those either. By this time I could feel the cold sweat starting to prickle the back of my neck. Given all this, can I really be blamed for feeling so profoundly delighted by the veggie sausages at the Luxor?

Anyway, the bacon aside, the white water rafting was fantastic. What I loved most about it was that my brother fell out of the raft about five minutes after we set off down the river. Much amusement was had at his expense, but we dragged him back in eventually. I did not fall out at any time during the two days. At one point, however, I did neglect to jump in quickly enough. We got to this bank in the middle of the river and were carrying the raft across to the other side. Everyone else seemed to leap in nimbly enough. I slipped, or something, and ended up clinging to the side of the raft as it started to move on down the river. The problem with this is that when the water is moving faster than the raft, you have to hang onto the side tight in order to avoid being dragged underneath it. I had horrible images of being, effectively, keel-hauled beneath the raft. So I clung to the rope like a limpet, all the while shrieking, ‘Pull me in! Pull me in! Stop laughing and help me!’ Finally, my brother and his other half managed to drag me in between them. It was quite undignified though. I ended up sort of sprawled on the floor of the raft like a landed fish.

Anyway, now all that adventuring is behind me and I am back home with the menagerie. Moose has outgrown her car seatbelt whilst we’ve been away. She’ll outgrow my car soon too. My Siamese cat gave me the cold shoulder for the first few hours after I got back. But, since making her displeasure known, she has spent virtually the whole time glued to my lap. If there was any animal I missed more than Moose, it was Suki. That little cat is the absolute apple of my eye. Nothing she does ever irritates me. Not even when she shits on my bed. I mean, obviously, I’m irritated that there is shit on the bed, but I’m not irritated with Suki. She is a Siamese, after all, she can’t help being neurotic. Here is a photo of her:

Suki

I have been told she looks evil in this picture, but I just think she looks ridiculously cute. Something between a kangaroo and a gremlin. It makes me want to kiss her feet. In fact, I’m gonna go do that right now.

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8 Responses to “Home On The Range”

  1. Christine Says:

    She looks adorable… not evil!

  2. Alex Bell Says:

    Too right.

  3. joseph Says:

    I think she looks cute, we have 3 cats in our home,all male..charlie,checko and my favourite Cooper, who is a ginger tom,and i like you would forgive that little rascal anything….
    But back to books…ive just finished The 9th circle and really enjoyed it,being a lapsed catholic its strange how what you once believed in so strongly,seems so ” FALSE” if you look beyond the preaching,….would really like to know more about ANGELS…any ideas

  4. Jaine Fenn Says:

    Looking forward to seeing how the fabulous Moose has grown when I see you on Friday. I’ll also tell you about river-surfing, which is like white-water rafting only without a raft. Scariest thing I ever did.

  5. Alex Bell Says:

    Joseph - glad to hear you enjoyed The Ninth Circle. And that you have a household overrun by cats - that is the way all households should be, in my opinion. My first cat was a ginger moggy, so I have a special soft spot for them.

    Jaine - can’t wait to hear about the river surfing. Never heard of it before, but it sounds amazing. As for Moose - she’s bigger than Loki now, and getting larger by the day!

  6. Josh Says:

    I’m always happy to get to the checkout of ikea as they sell veggie hotdogs… mmmmmmmm.
    I read The Ninth Circle and loved it so I bought Jasmyn straight afterwards. I’m on the last couple of chapters and It’s just as good as the previous book if not better.
    My cat is called Patch-Moe and he’s an absolute dude. He won’t drink from any where but straight from the tap, he sits there meeowing until someone turns it on! I think he’s a person trapped in a cat’s body, he’s ace.

  7. Alex Bell Says:

    Glad to hear you’re liking the books, Josh :-) Hope you will enjoy Lex Trent when it comes out in February too.

    One of my cats drinks straight from the tap also but she has mastered the knack of turning it on by herself. Would love to get one of those little cat fountains but they’re very expensive, and the Great Dane would just slobber in it anyway ;-)

  8. Josh Says:

    Patch-Moe is very jealous of your cat’s tap turning on ability. It has inspired him to go on a plumbing course next September, but until then he will have to meeow constantly by the tap waiting for someone to turn it on for him. ;)

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